I Love You More Than Work

This is how much Joel loves me.

I Love You More than Work
by Joel Ackerman
For my wife, Jamie, so she knows she's always number one

Call me Marie Callendar,
I love you more than pies.
Call me Ron McDonald,
I love you more than fries.
Call me Haagen Dazs,
I love you more than ice cream.
Call me the Green Giant,
I love you more than beans.
Call me Country Crock,
I love you more than spread.
Call me undertaker,
I love you more than dead.
Call me Tropicana,
I love you more than juice.
Call me pagan pantheist,
I love you more than Zeus.
Call me Aunt Jemima,
I love you more than syrup.
Call me circus clown,
I love you more than cheer up.
Call me Merriam-Webster,
I love you more than words.
Call me ornithologist,
I love you more than birds.
Call me Keebler Elf,
I love you more than fudge.
Call me bitter old man,
You're better than curmudge.
Call me pure Italian,
I love you more than silk.
Call me a fresh cow,
I love you more than milk.
Call me wake-up caller,
I love you more than phones.
Call me human body,
I love you more than bones.
Call me marching ants,
I love you more than picnics.
Call me Oriental,
You're better than chopsticks.
Call me Mr. Thirsty,
I love you more than drink.
Call me weirdo pervert,
I love you more than stink.
Call me the zamboni,
I love you more than ice.
Call me Oriental again,
I love you more than rice.
Call me shopaholic,
I love you more than sales.
Call me Ishmael,
I love you more than whales.
Call me carbonation,
I love you more than fizz.
Call me Yogi Berra,
"It ain't over 'til it is."
Call me Captain Kirk.
I love you more than Spock.
My name is Asher Lev.
You out-do Chaim Potok.
Call me Leslie Knope,
I love you more than parks.
Call me commie bastard,
I love you more than Marx.
Call me Tracy Turnblad,
I love you more than Link.
Call me Descartes,
"Therefore I am, I think."
Call me politician,
I love you more than lies.
Call me the thigh-master.
I love you more than thighs.
Whatever you may call me,
I love you more than work.
And if you say I don't,
then I'll call you a jerk.